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Losing My Daughter

By Meredith Romero, Albuquerque, New Mexico

My name is Meredith Romero and I lost my 12-year-old daughter to suicide on May 11, 2010. She was a month away from her 13th birthday. We just went through her first year anniversary and her birthday which would have been on June 10th.  After she hung herself, she didn’t die immediately, instead a day later from complications resulting from the hanging. We later found letters she had written. They were not so much suicide letters but letters telling us she loved us. We also found out of an incident that involved a boy that may have contributed to why she did it.  We will never know if she meant to do it or if it was an accident in which she intended to scare me.

Whatever it was, she took her own life. She showed absolutely no signs of depression. If anything she made plans for the week and weekend. Words cannot express what I feel. Not only did I lose my child but I lost her to suicide and I found her. At first, I questioned myself asking why and trying to figure out if there was anything I could have done to prevent this since she did it right in our own home. I was full of guilt for many months going back into the past wondering if I failed her as a mother. The first thing I wondered was if the life I gave her was worth living. I was a single mother, her father had little involvement in her life, and when he was in it, he usually did not make it pleasurable.

I never in a million years thought I would be the survivor of my daughter’s suicide. Through therapy, I have come to the realization that I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it and that I was a good mother who did the best I could. My daughter and I were very close and her loss has created such a void in my heart. I thought I knew her well but I still question that. I think the hardest part of dealing with her suicide is the “Why?” I replay that day over and over and just can’t understand what would make her decide to end her life  I know she loved me and she was a very happy child.  One of the things I can’t cope with is people judging my daughter and making her seem like a bad child. I have feelings of anger at her for doing what she did, but more than anything I feel sadness and ache for her. This has taught me that you can’t hide from suicide and it can happen to anyone. I know she is in heaven and watching out for all who loved her and miss her.


09/27/2016 at 11:01 AM
My daughter died on september 15th 2015. She was 16. I just went through the one year anniversary. It was terrible. I go on for my other children but I hate myself deeply because of this.
09/01/2016 at 1:45 PM
Your story sounds like mine my daughter hung her self July 29th 2016 she ain't die till July 31 be 18th bday is sept 29th 2 months b4 she would be 18 she was planning for it i don't know why she did it we found letters jus saying she was sorry for not doing better in school n was gone try n change she was a silly person always had make ppl laugh in my heart I think she was trying to how it will feel or how it would work cus she was frighting to take to rope off but end up passing out n that's wen my mom found her n did CPR till the med came I jus don't understand she talked to me about everything but never how she felt inside I feel I fail her like I should of known cus I was her mom now I'm planning her 18th bday get together n it hurts so much I jus wish she was here
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