06/13/2017 at 1:08 AM
April
My mother killed herself. A month went by before she was found. Worst imaginable thing ever. I'm having rollercoaster emotions.I could really use any advice

04/29/2017 at 8:27 PM
Janice Brown
My mother killed herself when I was 27; I am now 71. I wish I could say that I had "gotten over it" but all I can say is that it is part of my life, and it influenced my life in many ways. It took me 10 years of intense grieving, when dealing with the guilt and sadness was my main preoccupation, before I was finally able to feel that the trauma was beginning to recede. However, it did recede and I was able to start looking outward, and ultimately have a good career and a rewarding life(not without its problems), and also a wonderful daughter who I hope never has to deal with anything like I had to deal with. My brother and sister also survived and have gone on with their lives, but we 3 share a painful past that no one else can understand. I am so sorry for everyone who has to deal with the pain, grief, and guilt of suicide; it is not what our loved ones would have wanted for us, but it is our particular challenge in our lives. It makes us more compassionate with others and accepting of our limitations; the final stage is to accept that we are all fallible, the suicides and the survivors, and the pain we feel and have felt is a reflection of the love we had for the lost ones. You must forgive yourself for not being able to prevent (or understand) the suicide, and forgive the person who committed suicide for the pain it caused. To be among the "suicide survivors" says a lot about the ability to recover from one of the worst experiences a person can have in life. Courage! Believe in yourself -- you will get through it. We owe it to the memory of our loved ones to survive and carry on.