05/08/2016 at 9:14 PM
Angela
I want to offer hope. My husband of 15 years and the father of our 5 children, died by suicide in June of 2013. He was my everything. The most loving and kind soul I've ever known. These past 3 years have been a crushing storm and the weight of my grief has nearly capsized. Yet, in this place of suffering, I have found serenity. My faith in the Lord had always been strong, but losing my husband put it to a test that I thought for sure would not be passed. There were so many days I believed that I would not survive, that my heart would literally not beat its next beat, that there would be no air to fill my lungs. I had died. Yet, in this place of utter desperation, there was one....Jesus.....who kept me alive. I didn't realize or recognize HIS presence for a very long time. I couldn't. I was not attached to myself. I was not attached to other human beings. I was not attached to the world. So there was no way I could be attached to God. But then one day, I heard HIM in my heart. It was faint. But it was HIM. It wasn't that HE said anything or did anything, it was just that HE was there. He had always been there. But this time, I felt HIM. This time I was connected, only for a minute, but I was, indeed, connected....to myself, to the world, to HIM. And from that moment on, I began to believe that maybe, just maybe, God could actually help me. It has been a long, slow road, one that I am still traveling, but I know now, that my journey is filled with hope and purpose and greatness. HE will restore you. It is HIS promise. I know it doesn't seem like it. You may be mad at God. And that's ok. Be raging mad at HIM. I was. HE wants you to cry out and scream at HIM. Give Him EVERYTHING! ALL OF IT! HE will take all of your hurt and pain and HE will restore you. HE loves you. HE loves your husband. After 3 years, I am at a place of peace and thankfulness and even excitement for the future. Has it been easy? No, of course not. But it has been intimate. it has been strengthening, it has been purposeful. And in it's special way, it has been beautiful. I miss my husband every day. And I still have bad days. But it's ok because I am different, now. And my children are different, too. It is a beautiful different. It is a different that exists because of my husband....his life and his death. And believe it or not, I like this different. Yes, your life will never be the same, it is different. But if there's anything I can share with you, it's that different can be truly beautiful. There is so much more I would like to share, but time and brevity elude me. There are 2 essential verses that you should look up: ROMANS 8:28 and 8:35-39. I will be praying.....

09/06/2015 at 9:03 AM
Tracy
My husband of almost 13 years took his own life just 10 days ago. We didn't have any problems in our marriage, no financial burdens, no problems at work(which he loved) and he loved life more than anyone I know (he had a child-like enthusiasm). There was no apparent reason for him to shoot himself, so the "why" is foremost in my mind every second of the day. we have two small daughters whom he loved more than anything. Trying to explain to them is complicated by the fact that I have no answers myself. How do I teach them to cope when I can't understand it myself. I have an amazing group of family and friends around me almost constantly but still feel so alone. And everyone tells me that it will get easier but as the days pass, it just seems to be getting worse. I struggle to even breathe at moments. My grief is consuming me. I feel as though I'm drowning and can't do anything about it. I am completely devastated and crushed because I know he loved me and I know that he knew I loved him. I can't seem to put all of these things together and come up with why he decided to leave me and our children like this. I also feel like my future is just gonna be 30-40 years of waiting on my own death so I can reunite with my love.