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A Husband's Suicide

The Dividing Line chapter

By Jeanne Moren

This writing is one chapter from a book titled The Dividing Line. The book was written over a number of years and reflects on the passage of time since the death of the author’s husband in 1974. It addresses some of the issues that survivors might encounter. To reach the author or request a copy of the book at no charge please email:

thedividingline@sbcglobal.net

Read the chapter here.

Comments

09/09/2016 at 1:05 PM
THuy
Tracy, I am sorry for your loss. How do you feel after one year? "I also feel like my future is just gonna be 30-40 years of waiting on my own death so I can reunite with my love." - this is exactly what I have been feeling for the last month. My husband took his own life 29 days ago. I just don't know how to find life's meaning and purpose to move on.
05/08/2016 at 9:14 PM
Angela
I want to offer hope. My husband of 15 years and the father of our 5 children, died by suicide in June of 2013. He was my everything. The most loving and kind soul I've ever known. These past 3 years have been a crushing storm and the weight of my grief has nearly capsized. Yet, in this place of suffering, I have found serenity. My faith in the Lord had always been strong, but losing my husband put it to a test that I thought for sure would not be passed. There were so many days I believed that I would not survive, that my heart would literally not beat its next beat, that there would be no air to fill my lungs. I had died. Yet, in this place of utter desperation, there was one....Jesus.....who kept me alive. I didn't realize or recognize HIS presence for a very long time. I couldn't. I was not attached to myself. I was not attached to other human beings. I was not attached to the world. So there was no way I could be attached to God. But then one day, I heard HIM in my heart. It was faint. But it was HIM. It wasn't that HE said anything or did anything, it was just that HE was there. He had always been there. But this time, I felt HIM. This time I was connected, only for a minute, but I was, indeed, connected....to myself, to the world, to HIM. And from that moment on, I began to believe that maybe, just maybe, God could actually help me. It has been a long, slow road, one that I am still traveling, but I know now, that my journey is filled with hope and purpose and greatness. HE will restore you. It is HIS promise. I know it doesn't seem like it. You may be mad at God. And that's ok. Be raging mad at HIM. I was. HE wants you to cry out and scream at HIM. Give Him EVERYTHING! ALL OF IT! HE will take all of your hurt and pain and HE will restore you. HE loves you. HE loves your husband. After 3 years, I am at a place of peace and thankfulness and even excitement for the future. Has it been easy? No, of course not. But it has been intimate. it has been strengthening, it has been purposeful. And in it's special way, it has been beautiful. I miss my husband every day. And I still have bad days. But it's ok because I am different, now. And my children are different, too. It is a beautiful different. It is a different that exists because of my husband....his life and his death. And believe it or not, I like this different. Yes, your life will never be the same, it is different. But if there's anything I can share with you, it's that different can be truly beautiful. There is so much more I would like to share, but time and brevity elude me. There are 2 essential verses that you should look up: ROMANS 8:28 and 8:35-39. I will be praying.....
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